Being loved is the best feeling ever.
I thought about texting you and telling you I want a break. But then I remembered all the times you have made me smile. I think about how I feel like I am completely myself when I am around you.
I think about the time in the car when you played a rock song about me being contagious. I think about how we stopped at a stoplight and you looked over at me completely vulnerable. Your lip trembled, like you were holding back something, and I thought I might cry.
The thought of losing you scares me. I won’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I won’t have anyone to ask me silly questions at 1am. I won’t have anyone to call me beautiful. I won’t have anyone to play with my ears or brush my hair back. I won’t have anyone to call me adorable. Or sexy. Or a badass. Or crazy.
I won’t feel like I’m a little kid anymore. Like I am 15 years old dating for the first time. I won’t have anyone to bring me home after work and hold my hand while talking aimlessly to me.
People told me that I am acting more confident. You look at me different. You smile at me when I’m not looking. You don’t flirt with the other girls. They tell me I act different around you.
I won’t have anyone to talk about my future with. Our future. You said that getting married scares the shit out of you. But, then you told me that you want to marry me. You want to have kids with me. You want to take care of me. Before we even barely knew each other you said you would take care of me the rest of my life.
I love listening to you talk. I love watching you smile. I love watching you interact with other people. I love the way you walk. I love the way you grab me from behind. I love the way you make me laugh.
The first day we were around each other we were taking care of people and laughing like crazy. I was so nervous around you. You thought I was crazy. You made me feel crazy.
You make me feel cared about. You make me feel loved. You make me feel like I am the only girl in the world.
I imagine laying with you and being close to you. I want to be intimate with you but I’m so scared. I don’t want to disappoint you. I want to be the perfect girl for you. I don’t want you to see all my imperfections. I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to let myself get that attached to you. I’m so scared that will break us.
I want to live with you. But, I need to take care of my family first. I need to take care of myself first. I need to be around you more. I need you, though. I don’t know how I will continue life without you.
I’m in love with you.
I’m in love.
I found someone who I’m so scared of losing. I don’t want to disappoint you. I want to break things off with you so you never have the chance.
Of course I fall for someone who is married and doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers. Of course. Why would something in my life go right?
I think I found the love of my life. He has the same thoughts and feelings as me. I truly think he is my other half. I never thought that I would find someone I was this comfortable with. And best yet! He is willing to wait to have sex. He is so considerate. He is so funny. He is so romantic. He is so nice and genuine. He is so handsome. I know deep down that I love him. He even wants to have kids with me.
I always said that when I find the one it will be it. I will know. And this is it. I’ve liked him since I first laid eyes on him. I never had a boyfriend and I have never had sex. I’ve never had someone to love. And now I found someone who I’m going to give my whole heart to. It’s so life changing. It’s scary. And it’s so exciting.